Gift of Music

I believe God has given me many gifts. Most of them I have no problem exercising to the best of my ability, but there is one that I have a hard time using without a sense of insecurity. That gift is music. This has been something I have struggled with  my whole life and within the last 6 years I have been aware more than ever that it is something that God has given me specifically and that I am to use. Knowing that is one thing. But living it is a whole other ball park!

When I think back to my childhood I remember times where I would be singing and playing the piano and being told I was being to loud and to please stop. Granted the piano was smack dab right in the middle of the whole house and I was singing really loud. Needless to say I think that is something that has stuck with me. I have struggled not to feel  like I am bothering someone when I sing/play. Along with that I have an AMAZING older sister Katie who is incredibly talented (check her out HERE!) who I would constantly compare my self to. She was much more confidant in her gift of music and used it quite often.

She wrote a song for my Dad for her first dance at her wedding and after that he loved sharing it with the world, and there was me on the sidelines recording my first songs and I didn't feel loved or appreciated because he wasn't doing the same for my music. Now I know now that it was never intentional and I have experienced how incredibly proud he is of me (a whole other story for another time). I believe that it was things like this that Satan used to start lies that I eventually believed. I believed that I was not a good singer, that I was a burden to others when I did sing or played the piano. When people would compliment me I would assume it was a pity compliment (how messed up is that!). I never really believed any one and I would constantly doubt my own abilities. I never lost my love for music but it was something I preferred to do in private. The fear and insecurities came about when it came to performing.

It was six years ago about this time that I wrote the song "Ordinary" you can hear it HERE. It was then that God started to reveal all the lies I had allowed myself to believe.

I am STILL learning that it is not about me and my ability to sing well, it is about the gift that God has given me. And he has given me that gift so I can USE IT to bring glory to His name! Not for the accolades but for the sheer joy it brings Him when I use the gift he has given me! I believe I don't need to be the best I just need to give my best. Last week a couple shared this old hymn during devotions and I feel like it summarizes how I want to live my life while using ALL the gifts God has given me.

Our Best

Hear ye the Master's call, give me your best,

For be it great or small, that is his test.

Do then the best you can, not for reward,

Not for the Praise of man but for the Lord.

Every work for Jesus will be blest,

But He asks from everyone His best.

Our talents may be few, these may be small

But unto Him is due our best, our all!